There are numerous ways kids can see inappropriate things. Unfortunately,
much of it is inappropriate for adults as well. It can seem so overwhelming- like there is no way to have control over what they find. Here are some ways
that we deal with it in our family.
We have only one computer in the house which is out in our
main living area. We also only have one television in our house. I know, it’s
shocking. It has always been very important to us that our kids be out where we
can see them and not holed up in their rooms watching who-knows-what. But it’s
getting harder to keep that up.
Smart phones are quickly becoming the only option for cell
phones and the school even has “electronics days” as rewards for good behavior. On
these days the kids are allowed to bring tablets from home to play with for a
short time at the end of the day. It doesn’t feel like much of a reward if you
are one of the only kids who doesn’t have an electronic device to bring in.
(Don’t get me started on what I think of rewarding kids by giving them more
screen time. That’s an article for another day.)
Recently we decided to allow our teenagers to have smart
phones and our elementary kids a tablet. We did a lot of research trying to
find the best way to enable parental controls so that we could be aware of what
the kids are looking at and doing. I have no deals with any companies I will
talk about, and give brand names only so that you can be better informed of
what their capabilities are.
We do trust our kids to make the right choices, but we also
would like to keep up on what they’re doing without having to go in and check
every day. Having them come to us for permission to add to the phone keeps us
in the loop without requiring so much time looking through everything. There
are also many apps that open into their own browser (such as Pinterest and Facebook)
and the kids can access the internet through them. We try to avoid allowing
these types of apps on our children’s devices.
Our cell provider, Verizon,
offers a parent program so that we can see who our children call and text with.
We don’t read through all of the texts, but we do like to know who their
friends are, and since it’s so easy for someone else to give out their phone
number, there may be unsolicited texts coming in from people outside their
normal circle of friends.
We also use Verizon’s parental control that allows us to turn
off texting and calls at a certain time. (We chose 9:00 pm.) For times when the
kids are out late at an activity and we still want to have contact, we can also
make a list of trusted contacts, like parents, that they can always contact.
For the tablets, we chose the Kindle Kids Edition because it has Free Time which allows us to decide what kids can see and when. We
are able to control the time of day they can have access and how long the kids
spend on the categories: books, games, and videos. We have also used a
feature within Free Time to set up a
requirement to read for a certain amount of time (We chose at least 15 minutes
per day) on the device before they are allowed into games or videos.
The books, games, and videos come from a specific list in Free Time and they all are rated for
young children. (I really wish there was a teen version of this too!) The
videos our girls have been watching lately are things like the animated Pink Panther or PBS Kids shows. E-books can also be added through a library app like Overdrive, so the kids can read things outside of what is provided by Free Time.
We had a family meeting on the proper use of devices, and to talk about our family rules regarding them. I
scoured the internet for ideas and came across a lot of contracts that people
have written for their children to sign. We are law oriented in our house since
my husband is an attorney, so this seemed a natural way to go. I used one from the news article, “Mom
Has Son Sign 18-point Agreement for iPhone” as my starting point. I took away some things and added other ideas to fit our
family.
Following is the list of dos and don’ts we went over with our kids.
Some are rules, and some are manners or common sense. It is nice to have
discussed them together so now everybody knows what is expected and there
should be (oh please let there be) less complaining because we have gone over it
already.
Before introducing this contract we also emphasized the idea
expressed by T.S. Eliot that there is no system so perfect that people still
don’t need to be good. There is no way we can cover every situation in our
list, so it’s still up to them to use their own good judgment.
1. This is my parents’ phone/tablet. They are loaning it to me. I
know my parents can and will look through my device. I will not delete text
messages without asking them first.
2. I will be sure my parents always know the password.
3. If it rings, I will answer it. I will say “hello” and use my
manners. I will not ignore a phone call if the screen reads Mom or Dad.
4. I will plug in my screens in the family room, not my bedroom, at
bedtime or by 9:00pm every school night, and every weekend night by 10:00pm-
Unless I am out of the house.
5. I will follow school rules for electronics. At school I will
have conversations with people in person. It's a life skill.
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or
vanishes into thin air, I am responsible for the replacement costs or repairs.
(Mow a lawn, babysit, save some birthday money. It will happen, so you should be
prepared.)
7. I will not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive
another human being. I will not be involved in conversations that are hurtful
to others.
8. I will not text, email, or say anything through this device I
would not say in person or that I would not say out loud with their parents in
the room. I will censor myself.
9. I will not bring my device into the bathroom. When I am using
my device in a bedroom I will keep the door open.
10. I will not look at or read porn. If I see something inappropriate I will turn off my
device and talk to my parents about it. If a friend is inappropriate on social
media I will un-follow them. I will search the web only for information I would
openly share with my parents. If I have a question about anything else I will
ask my parents.
11. I will turn it off or silence it, and put it away in public-
Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, during church, or while speaking
with another person. I am not a rude person and will not allow electronics to
change that.
12. I will not send or receive pictures of my private parts or
anyone else's private parts. (Don't laugh. Someday you may be tempted to do
this despite your intelligence. It is risky and is always a bad idea.
Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. It is hard to make anything of
this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.)
13. I will not take a zillion pictures and videos. (There is no
need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your
memory for eternity.)
14. I will leave my device at home sometimes and feel safe and
secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of me. I can learn to
live without it.
15. I will try music that is classic or different. (Your
generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of
that gift. Expand your horizons.)
16. I will not text or be “friends” on social media with people
of the opposite gender until I am 16 years old. When I am 16 I will be respectful
in all of my interactions with them. I will set boundaries and be brave enough
to stop contact with anyone who is not respecting me, and I will talk to my
parents about it.
17. I will keep my eyes up. I will not text or look at my device
while walking. (See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen
to the birds. Take a walk. Wonder without googling.) When a parent or other
adult is talking to me, I will close my screen and give them my full attention.
18. If I would not make a call to someone's land line, where
their parents may answer first, then I will not call or text. (Respect other
families like we would like to be respected.)
19. I will not bring my screen out during family meal times
without asking a parent first. (We understand that sometimes calls or texts can
be urgent.) If it is not urgent, I will return a call or text after the meal.
20. After school I will complete all of my homework
and family chores. On weekdays I will plug in my device in the family room from 4:00 until after dinner.
I will mess up. I understand that I may lose device privileges
when I do not follow the rules or am disrespectful or disobedient to other
family rules. (We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. We
are always learning. We are a team. We love you.)
Image Source: ukblog.protectyourbubble.com
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